Bouncing Back

"So, how long did it take to bounce back?"

I have gotten this question a couple of times after pregnancy and I have to say, it's not really that easy. And to be perfectly honest, your body never truly "bounces back". I say that cautiously as I seem to be the exception to every pregnancy and post-pregnancy rule there is. I am more ok with it now but with Finn, it was much more difficult. I literally had no idea that I would still look pregnant even after giving birth. So that was a fun surprise.

News flash, I struggle with body image. Gaining weight during pregnancy was a struggle for me in that I didn't want it to happen and had a hard time understanding and accepting my new body. "They" (whoever "they" are) say that it takes 9 months to grow a baby, it will take 9 months or more to go back to your old weight or close. "They" also say that breastfeeding will "melt away the pounds".   To be honest, there are you many "definites" when you read pregnancy blogs (something I did way less of with Lucy because holy crap they were infuriating sometimes): "you WILL have morning sickness", you WILL have great skin, your boobs WILL get huge, your feet WILL grow a size or so larger... Ok, well, to most of these statements I gave a big LOL. I had found a really great blog once with all these pregnancy symptoms that took every symptom saying this may happen but it may not which was perfect for me. I was so tired of the emphasis on what will and should happen to me because then I felt like I was doing it wrong. Ok, unless you are excessively drinking/smoking/eating crap, you can't really be doing it wrong. Every woman is different and unique. AND each pregnancy can be unique! My skin was GREAT with Finn and AWFUL with Lucy... etc. 

So anyway, nobody tells you (or at least no one told me, but I never thought to ask) about what it is like after baby because they don't want you to maybe decide not to have a baby? I don't know but I would have like to know what I was getting myself into. I was able to exercise a little more with Finn but with Lucy, I struggled getting from the back door to the front door without getting winded... that's about a 10 foot walk. I gained more with Lucy partly because she ended up being a huge baby (10 pounds 1 ounce) and partly because of all the stress of job stuff and anticipating a second child. I literally had some panicked times of "I have forgotten everything a bout having a newborn, what do I do?!" And of course that my stretch marks were multiplying like wildfire... it's all very glamorous. I was also heavier when I got pregnant with Lucy than I was with Finn so I had that going for me... so even more weight to lose at the end.

My first OBGYN with Finn kept making comments about how if I kept gaining weight, it was going to be that much harder to lose. Thank you. What do you propose I do? Stop eating? I didn't really eat that much more, yes, I ate more at times (being pregnant during the holidays is both awesome and terrible) but I tried to maintain healthy eating habits. I actually struggled putting any weight on in the beginning because I was terrified to do so. It took about a year before I was really able to be back into exercising. Part of that was because he nursed until 10 months and that really can be draining (ha, punny, I'll be here all week). But seriously, pair that with lack of sleep, him walking at 9 months, figuring out how to parent, and starting a new job, it was already a lot so exercise got pushed to the side.

But I worked at it and I got in pretty good shape that next year until I slacked off again and got too busy. We were trying for a second after Finn turned 2 with no success... there were a couple times where I thought I definitely was but I was not. There was also one time were I was convinced I was pregnant despite no positive test. I was also convinced that I miscarried. I experienced some weird pain and nausea and discomfort that I hadn't ever before. Feeling excited for a baby and then repeatedly seeing those negative signs can be frustrating and disappointing, to say the least.

Anyway, all this was stressful and work was stressful and we were trying to plan around some future events were were trying to attend... anyway, I got really down and gained more weight. I even went to a doctor to see if maybe something was up and I couldn't get pregnant anymore. But then I finally got pregnant! Yay!

I was super cautious this time around just because the previous several months. That probably contributed to me struggling to stay active because I just wanted to get through this pregnancy with no issues. I played tennis, with considerable difficulty and that was about it. I couldn't even bring myself to go to the gym or even go for a walk because I was just so uncomfortable.

I ended up gaining 42 pounds with Finn and 46 with Lucy. I lost 22 in the hospital with Lucy (don't remember Finn) so that was nice but i still have a long way to go. I definitely looked more pregnant after birth this time than with Finn but at least I was ready for it this time. I am not going to lie, it is hard to see a different body in the mirror and in clothes that once fit differently and I don't really look at myself much. I really try to work through how I feel rather than what I look like or how I think I should look but it is hard. There are plenty of moms who are able to workout right through to the end of pregnancies with teeny baby bumps and no stretch marks but I am not one of those moms. But, the important part is that I am keeping my babies happy and healthy (to the best of my ability) and trying to do the same for me.

So did I bounce back? It just depends on the timeline you are looking at. No, at 6 weeks I was not back to normal like all Hollywood moms on the cover of every magazine. I don't have a personal trainer, night nurses, nutritionists, or plastic surgeon on speed dial or even the time/energy/ability to go to the gym.  But now, at 6/7 months post partum, I am getting much closer to being able to return to normal activities again.

In several Scandinavian countries, the amount of time a mom gets home with the kids is a year. A YEAR! This seems crazy to us here in the good ol U.S. of A since we are back at it after 6 weeks. That just seems inhumane. I was so not physically or emotionally ready to go back at that point and neither is baby. The silver lining of no job was that I didn't have to.

But then going back after 3 months was super difficult. Still not getting sleep, still breast feeding regularly, taking care of 2 kids, etc etc. I know I am not the only one who does this so this is not a "woe is me" rant but that doesn't negate that it is so hard!

I would not work if I didn't have to, however, being a stay at home mom is really hard too especially without the support of relatives and/or mom friends so I still can't decide which is preferable. The kids are getting great attention and social time at school so it's good for them there but I do also wish I could be with them. I do enjoy working too so then there's that...

Anyway, I would say for most new moms, don't expect to bounce back immediately or even for the first year. Don't stress yourself out worrying that you don't look like your hot 16 year old self (haha). Easier said than done of course because I forget to take my own advice but really, will my kids care that my tummy is fluffier or riddled with stretch marks or that I won't look as "good" in a swim suit? No, but they will remember that Mom didn't play with them at the beach because she was too self conscious to wear a swim suit!

What I need to remember and what has been so helpful to me in this process of becoming a mom is talking to people, anyone. Talking to and spending time with other adults is necessary and can be so helpful and encouraging when you are otherwise at home covered in who knows what substance, listening to the theme song for "Chuggington" 4,268 times, and talking baby and toddler talk all day. Plus, hearing mom's experience and having encouragement is a good reminder that this is an awesome challenging time that I wouldn't change for anything.